Oh. My. Good. God. What a weekend. Much too much happened for me to say anything in detail, but the highlights are as follows:
1- I've never seen Aileen that drunk before. Ever. And I never want to see it again. Ever. (Hot 100+my house=bad. very, very bad.)
2-I've never been to the bar at 9.30. That was a first.
3-I've never seen that many people cry in one night. Aileen. Steph. Kevin. Kim. One is too many. This was stupid.
4-I learned that emotional drinking is bad. For everyone involved, drunk or not. (I was not.)
5-Things might be happening between Steph and Kevin, and I'm not sure I'm going to like how it's going to pan out.
6-Kevin works at my school. I still have to see him and his sad face every day. Think of me. Please.
7-Alyssa and her best friend Kim got in a fight over Alyssa's boyfriend-type guy, Jason. I had to hear about it from drunken Kim and semi-sober Alyssa more than once in the space of a few hours. And all the updates, too. From each of them.
8-Steph has never hit me before. Or yelled at me in anger. Before last night, that is. Simultaneously, I've never been told by a friend that they "just don't fucking care anymore." About me, the noise she was making, the neighbors, Kevin, life et cetera...
9-I've never wanted to bail so much as I did after I got a heads up from one of the bouncers that I know from the bar we were at last night that Aileen was thisclose to being kicked out for being too drunk. At 10.30.
10-I've never wanted my life in Red Deer as much as I did last night around 10.30.
11-I learned I hate wearing my heart on my face. It makes the fact that I'm a good liar even harder for me to swallow.
12-I learned that the key to my getting my boss to listen to you is to either be a real-life Barbie or to have a penis. I am not a real-life Barbie and I do not have a penis. What does this get me? Ignored. Woot woot, go me. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
Lucky 13-I found out tonight that I have to work with Eric for three of my four shifts next week. I should've taken the weekend off. Really.
14-I found out tonight that one of my best friends from high school got engaged. Last week. She sent out a mass e-mail. I didn't get it. I'm not sure how exactly to take this piece of information. She promised me not 2 months ago that I'd be one of the first to know when she had the ring. Accident or intention? It's going to kill to find out either way. If it wasn't for a conversation on msn I had tonight, I wouldn't have found out until the middle of December when I go home. A month after it happened. No words.
15-I've never been so hurt in one weekend by so many people. One weekend. Fuck.
Not impressed with this weekend. At all.
I want my life back in Red Deer so bad, you have no idea.
All I can do right now is breathe. Just breathe.
I want to smash something right now. Preferably something owned by Queen Bitch. Something valuable.
Do you know what I want? I want to move in to the basement. Alone. Not with Steph. I want to be happy. I want to be closer with Courtney. Yes, the scary one. And the one in Whitecourt. I want to not live in this hell-hole anymore. I want Aileen to stop threatening my damage deposit. I want to keep my cat. I want Aileen to stop threatening to kill my cat. I want Aileen to stop threatening to get rid of my cat. I want Steph and Aileen to get a grip on reality. I want them to stop being so defensive. I want them to not get mad at me for saying my opinion. I want to not cry. I want to move out. I want school to work the way I want it to. I want to pass Sociology (I need an 80% or above on the final to do so). I just want to cry, but I dislike crying almost more than I dislike being anywhere close to drunk.
Why can't I just cry and move on with things? Because Lacey, every time you think the shit is done being hucked at you, a fresh, steaming pile is discovered and a new shovel is taken out.
I just want to cry and be held by someone who actually loves me. Why is that so hard?
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