forgetful waltz

Recently, I've realized just how much I say the phrases "Sure, yeah" and "Yeah, sure." And I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet.

Also, I made a promise to myself many, many years ago (what feels like a lifetime, to be honest) that once I walked away from the church, I wouldn't go back. Promise broken. I promised myself that I wouldn't regret leaving, because life was clearly better on the outside. Promise broken. In one moment of complete weakness, I also promised that if I heard one specific song in worship again (remember that I never thought I would go back, so it was a moot point), I would take that as a sign that I was in the right place...or something. I honestly didn't know at that point what I would do if I ever heard that song again, because every time i'd heard it before, it had torn my heart out and put the words of that feeling on the screen in front of me. Or it just tore my heart out and stood there in front of me, holding my still-beating heart, grinning. And, let me tell you, not many songs can do that to me. I could probably name all of them on one hand, and still have fingers left when I'm done counting. Off the top of my head, I count two. And lately, I've been searching out songs that produce those reactions in me, just to prove that I'm still alive.

Instead, it seems, I've found something else in my quest for heart-tearing songs. Something completely different, and yet, completely perfect. I'm loath to talk about, for now at least. But don't worry, it's nothing important enough to not have told the most important people (KG). For now, I think, I'll just scoot off to bed; morning comes way too early these days.

Until next time, keep fit and have fun!

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won.
All alone,
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything."

Where were You
When everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone
That never rang.
When all I needed was a call
From the corner of First and Amistad?

Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd You have to wait?
Where were You? Where were You?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

In the end,
Everyone ends up alone.
Losing her;
The only one who's ever known
Who I am,
Who I'm not and who I wanna be.
No way to know
How long she will be next to me.

Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were You? Where were You?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Early morning
The city breaks.
I've been calling
For years and years and years and years,
And You never left me no messages.
You never sent me no letters.
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want.

Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you? Where were You?
Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were You?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me.
Why'd You have to wait
To find me, to find me?


You Found Me-The Fray

At the moment, I'm sitting in my friendly LC Library Computer Lab, "doing my homework." And it's going SO well, can't you tell?

On this assignment, we're supposed to make an organizational chart, detailing how our restaurant is run. And, let me tell you, that is easier said than done. When D first explained this assignment to us, my first reaction was "...how many branches are allowed to be on the tree? And can it be one of those trees that burrows a root underground for a while, and shoots it back up in the middle of nowhere to make a new tree?" I can't even make it LOGIGAL, let alone organized! Needless to say, this assignment isn't off to the greatest start, and it isn't likely to get much better. But, it's for school, so I'm going to do my best and hope for the best (and that D's having a good day when he grades it).

[We interrupt this post for a funny story: My cell phone just rang, and as I was running out of the library (which has ZERO cell service...I'm still trying to figure out how it even rang in the first place), I practically walked right into Mr and Mrs Pawlak, their son M, and who I'm assuming to be M's girlfriend (what, with the public hand-holding and all). As weird as that was, and with all the double takes I had to do (my brain has been into playing tricks on me lately, and unfortunately, hallucination is one of the more popular ones), M was the only one who recognized me! But it was only for a second, and because I was talking on my phone and not really waving at them, he probably thought it wasn't me. Then, about 3 minutes later, I'm sitting on the side of the hallway (still on my phone, thinking if I should go chase them down and say hi or not...I mean, I was talking with my lawyer), they walk by again. This time, Mrs looks right at me, I wave while making eye contact, and she STILL DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME. Ah well. The next time I'm in RD, I'll give them a hard time for it.]

So, back to my assignment (but not really). I've realized lately that when I'm in a good mood, I'm a particularly parenthetical writer (and thinking that about myself makes me smile... mostly because it's fun to say). Also, back in the summer, my mom said something to me that I've never heard before: "You should write a book; like Waiter Rant (she's lately obsessed with that book/blog). You're a good writer, you should totally go for it!" Honestly, I've never been told that I'm a good writer. I write to vent, rant, explain, keep from exploding, or even, just to write. I'm finding myself kind of weird that way. I'll be good at something, but I'd rather stay in the background and teach/counsil/advise/correct/whatever; I'll stay justjust out of the spotlight. And wouldn't you know? I'm happy here. I'm happy in the shadow of the limelight, and even though I do get my moment every once in a while, it's usually enough for me. I wish I had the confidence to go and grab the bull by the horns and not take no for an answer, risk it all, and hit it big time. But the risking is the thing I have the greatest trouble doing. I'm happy and comfortable in my little self-created bubble, and despite many people trying to get me out of my bubble, so one's succeeded yet. So I'll keep on keeping on, and hopefully one day I'll change. Maybe. If I feel like it that day.

I've also recently come to the horrible realization that I might not hate Michael Bublé as much as I intended, which is quite distressing. He's good, quite good actually, and despite the fact that I've always proclaimed to hate him... I can't quite do that anymore. What am I going to focus my hatred on now, if it's not Matt Dusk's main competition in the music industry? I think this is one of those pure *facepalm* moments life loves throwing at me. However, I'll take 10 *facepalm* moments over one hallucination any day. And if they don't go away sooner or later, I'll probably have to go see someone to make sure I'm not insane or anything. Lovely.

Also, I have seen waaay too many pairs of short shorts being worn today.

Keep fit and have fun all!