I want to hold your hand across the universe.

I guess this seems to be a new theme of mine, blogging at Bri's place while she's sleeping...





It is bad that I like my boss. And he's not helping things by telling me that I'm a really valuable asset to the kitchen, and that he really just wants to keep me all to himself. Instead of sharing me with Suede. Or by telling me that he has a girlfriend. Boys officially suck. Especially Devo.

Is it bad that, even though I've never met her, I hate my boss' girlfriend? Oh definitely.

25...fuck you!

So, here I sit in Bri's living room, after being jolted awake by my cell just over a half an hour ago. Sometimes I really dislike the fact that I can rarely sleep more than eight or so hours at a time. It's almost like I never got that one part of being a teenager that everyone else is just growing out of...sleeping for hours and hours and hours on end; I've just never done it. The only time I sleep more than normal is when I'm sick, or after staying up all night (like the crazy one I am). Even then, I never sleep more than nine or ten.

Aaaannnnddd...The Jehovah's Witnesses just showed up looking for Armin. I'm pretty sure I should've just not answered the door. But hey, I can lie my face off if need be: "Is there an address where my wife and I can come and visit you?"..."No, I'm sorry, I'm from Red Deer and I'm just here for the weekend, visiting friends."..."Well, what a coincidence, I have relatives in Red Deer, whereabouts do you live there, so I can have them come and see how you're doing?"..."Actually, we're just in the middle of moving right now, and I'm not sure of the new address quite yet, sorry." All said with a sincere look and a smile for kindness.

I'm a horrible person, lying to the religious. He started talking to me about how I should be mindful with violence against women, and the only thoughts going through my head were 'and here I am, there's two of you and one of me...' and of course the 'if anything happens that you don't like, just come talk to me and I'll deal with it accordingly' from Devin on my first day of work. He's protecting me, and I know it. The part of me that's always existed and taken charge when dealing with things like this just wants to kick and scream and fight it with all my might...you know, the "No! I can do this on my own! Don't help me. Ever. No touchy!" But the part that I'm letting take control this time is my seemingly non-existent submissive side. The side of me that just wants to be hugged and loved and protected. It's weird, being the only girl most of the time. I already know that I'm being protected by at least two of the staff (one of whom is definitely my boss), and I think I like this feeling of safety. The guys are really nice to me, which is a nice change from the ignorance I faced at Montana's. I've also already heard things that I'd care never to hear again, and some things that made me actually laugh harder than I have in weeks. I love my job, I actually love my job. And I heard something from the (really cute) gay waiter last night that made me think.

"Is that your sexy pose for your new kitchen woman?"




Is it bad that I think I might like my boss? DUH.

cheers to the new year

So, here's to a fresh start. I'm at a new job, I'm in ballet lessons again, I'm moving in June, and I pretty much just love life right now. Last night, I started (and almost finished) this uberlong post about how last year went, and then in a really unfortunate computer glitch, it was banished into the wide world of webbernetland. I was sad and pissed about it, but I'm over it now, and I'm going to re-start that beast, only because it was too good to allow complete disappearance into oblivion. So, here goes. My last year, divided into jobs, not months...

New Year's Eve: Spent the New Year in a church, hating life. Watched a baptism and then 'prayed in the new year' with a bunch of people I didn't (and still don't) know. Regret every minute of it. Resolved to make my own decisions in the new year. Starting with leaving camp for good.

Jan: Was still at camp, hating life. Was on an enforced month-long hiatus, and did daily Bible studies and took frequent walks around camp property. Learned to hate God, Rick and hate Rick more for loving someone/thing that's never been there for me. Was only allowed to work a half-day at a time, max, and learned to take full advantage of it, and helped Ken a lot more than I did in the past. Left camp for good, and moved back to mom's place in Red Deer. Before even unpacking (or washing the contents of) my suitcases from moving home, mom dragged me off to a hole-in-the-wall place up near Edmonton for a "fun weekend away from the city." Hated it until mom ditched and took her own class (they taught skills during your stay. Best bed and breakfast idea ever) and I was launched into a photography class with some old guy. Met the two people who lived in the house, and quickly became friends with them. One was my age, really hot and had just bought a house by himself (and paid for it by himself, too); the other was a couple years older, worked as a lab assistant and she was super cool, too. Watched Indiana Jones for the first time, and learned to love Pepsi and Amaretto mixed together (which, oddly enough, tastes exactly like Dr. Pepper, the one soft drink that I hate with a burning passion).

Feb-Mar: Had the perfect job fall into my lap one day. 'Twas a temp job in the Transport and Engineering Dept in the Provincial sector of the government. Was paid $12.75/hr to sit at a vacant desk, check my e-mail and occasionally re-organize filing cabinets around the office. Made some new friends who threw me a mini-party for my birthday. Loved it completely, except for the days that I did absolutely nothing. And the day I felt the sting of bureaucracies and was 'let go' without prior notice. Yeah, I cried. Was unemployed until Montana's. Moved away from home again. This time to Lethbridge, and in with Gerry, Rodger, Bryan and Aileen. Best choice ever. Loved it totally.

Apr-Jun: After moving to Lethbridge, got the infamous Montana's job. Made me hate life with a passion, but in a totally new and different way than I did at camp. What a joy, eh? Made some new "friends" and learned how to set the kitchen on fire my second, and first 8-hour, day. Hated my job so much that I gave my two-weeks' notice, two weeks into my employment. Got a raise in exchange for my soul. Got drunk for the first time, and regret every minute of it. Still do to this day. Stupidly agreed to go back to camp for the summer. Was actually really excited about it, too. Royally pissed off my boss by telling him I was going back to camp for the summer. Moved back to Evergreen; this time as the Assistant Cook. Moved into a duplex with Aileen. Bad move, Lacey.

Jul-Aug: Spent my summer working 16-hour days and getting less than 24 hours off on 'weekends.' Taught Drama with one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Miss him like crazy. Bonded with really random people like Jasper, Ben and Nick. Made some really interesting and lasting friendships. Cut my hair pretty short compared to my habitual less-than-one-centimeter-off idea of what a "haircut" was. Learned to actually make my own decisions for once. Learned that I don't work well with Ken for more than a week at a time. Learned that ever time I take over the Evergreen kitchen, something disastrous happens to a meal or me, or both. Learned I'm never, ever wasting another summer out there. Regretted not going back to Kinasao. Met Karena, one of the coolest and shortest people I've ever known. Miss her dearly. Learned that Bri was moving to Lethbridge, too. Applied for University on a sheer whim. Mostly because Bri was going. Best decision ever made, right there. Thanks Bri! Got my cat. Best thing to ever happen to me. George will always be with me. I may not be able to make him love me, but I can make him live with me, and that's good enough for now. We'll see about the love part later.

Sept-Dec: "You're back?!"-- one of the first things I heard from one of my co-workers (who apparently lost a bet that said I wouldn't return after the summer was over). Haha. Made actual away-from-work friends with people from work. Gave away my dance floor virginity on Halloween night. Absolutely do not regret that at all. Still love the guy dearly. Miss working with him quite a bit, actually. Moved back into the duplex with Aileen and Steph. Worst mistake ever. Learned never to do that again. I hope there's still a friendship after this. Sometimes. Made a dream come true on a whim. Best thing to ever happen to me. Hands down.

Dec: And then, just to cap off a royally intense year, returned to retail for the Christmas season. Sears wasn't ready for me, obviously, but I waltzed in, guns blazing and ready to take on the crowd. Ended up mostly training people who'd been there for months already, and I hadn't been there in two years, and could still do the job better than they could. It was scary, but I think I'll do it again next year, just for shits and giggles. Who knows, I might meet another really hot Irish guy while I'm working in Men's Wear...

New Years Eve: Holy wow. First drunken New Years ever. Totally regret the whole getting drunk part, but loved the rest of it so much. Spent time with some friends and some strangers. Still have yet to be kissed at midnight (or ever), but hey, there's always next year, right?

New Years Resolutions:

-Learn to not doubt myself so much.
-Learn to not be such a smart-ass. Sometimes.
-Not be such a bitch. Again, sometimes.
-Appreciate what I have. Actually appreciate it and not just say I do.
-Move into my own place, away from destructive friendships.
-Maybe travel?
-Not complain so much. Or at all.
-Get back into ballet, full tilt.
-Start singing again.
-Perhaps start an apprenticeship...?