xmas 2011

Wow, is 2012 already right around the corner? What a year this has been. What a year, indeed. I've done things and gone places I never thought possible, and yet still haven't accomplished things I had it in mind to have done almost 3 years ago now. Since my five year plan is up as of January 1, and the last and most important thing on the list was to move to Scotland (and since that clearly isn't going to happen now), I guess I'll have to work on another plan. Mostly I'm disappointed in not actually being able to go through with that plan, but life goes on, right?

Speaking of life moving on, I would like to share something with you, dear reader. I'm not wanting to seem morbid or insensitive by saying this, but it's come up in conversation quite a bit this past year, and I feel like it needs to be said; no more beating around the bush or speaking in metaphors. (Have I mentioned that I hate metaphors?) Despite all the things seemingly stacked against me in my life right now, I am still thankful, quite simply, for my life. I haven't told many people before, but I am a survivor of attempted suicide. It's not something I'm proud of, but I am very thankful that it didn't work. It was a long time ago, and the details don't matter, but I feel like it needs to be shared. I'd also like to say that I don't still struggle with depression, but I've learned that it's not something that will ever completely go away... I have just learned to not let it control me or my thoughts anymore. I've also become quite fond of Ovid's quote "Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." There. Confession time over.

I am thankful for the friends I've made and the friends I've kept since that terrible time in my life. I am also thankful for my relationship with God, no matter how much I've tried to run away, hide, or deny Him, He's always been there. I've always really liked the analogy 'No matter how many steps you take away from God, He's always one step behind you. Always ready to catch you if you fall or hug you if you turn around.' I'll never be alone. No matter how much I feel lonely, I will never be alone.

In light of this time of year being one for reflection, I'm going to (finally!) share stories of my time in Europe. Since I'm 99% certain of the fact that it will probably rival my summer post for length, I'm going to make it its own entry... and to save your eyes and my sense of organization.

I'll leave this with my yearly post of O Holy Crap. It's a tradition now, so y'all are just going to have to deal with it. If you don't like it, here's your warning for next year: it'll be in my xmas post, lying silently and waiting to jump out at you when you click the link.

I love you all dearly and hope that this Christmas season was good to you, and that it brought you joy in some measure (hopefully in heaps). And always remember that God is good. All the time. God is good.

xmas 2011

I made Christmas dinner for my mom and me!

...and Bri, who took hers to work for a night shift.