So I got bored today...

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:

1. open your library (itunes, winamp, media player, ipod, etc)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button.

opening credit: Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

waking up: The Good Left Undone - Rise Against

first day at school: Lithium - Evanescence

falling in love: Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5

fight song: Johnny Falls - Hedley

breaking up: I Will Be Your Friend - Michael W. Smith

prom: How I Go - Yellowcard

life's ok: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

mental breakdown: Your Star - Evanescence

driving: This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance

flashback: Dead Man (Carry Me) - Jars Of Clay

getting back together: Supposed To Be - Jack Johnson

wedding: Five Hebrew Love Songs - LTCHS Chamber Choir

birth of child: Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

final battle: I've Got 10 Friends and a Crowbar That Says You Ain't Gonna Do Jack - Underoath

death scene: Cancer - My Chemical Romance

funeral song: Tout Reste A Faire - Kyo

~Blackbird

Rant, rant, rant...

Has anyone wondered what it would be like to sit and listen to a speech about everything you don't believe in?

You're sitting there, thinking it'll just be about antioxidants (?!) and then the guy who's talking spins off onto another almost unrelated topic. How you aren't happy if you're not a Christian. Ow. You're sitting there, trying not to let the shock or revultion that you're feeling register in your facial expressions as he talks about how taking some kind of pills cured his cancer.

This guy went on for about an hour on one of two topics: how God miraculously saved his life, and how, if you're not a Christian, you're not a happy person. First off, aparently God began this aformentioned miracle only AFTER he began taking some [not cheap] antioxidant pills. And he still chalks this "miracle" up to God. What a load; I'm sorry if that offends you, but it's exactly what I'm feeling right now. He told us about how taking whatever pills he wasn't selling [yeah, w/e] will make you live a longer life. Not let you, make you live a longer life. As if the only way to make your life longer is taking these pills. Don't get me wrong, I do think that taking a vitamin daily will boost your health by at least a little. But this guy had the nerve to start off this little 'chat' of his by saying that "I'm going to tell you right off the bat that I'm not here to sell anything to you..." and then mentioned somewhere near the middle [and end...repeatedly] "if you're interested in the product that I've been talking about, come see me or other-guy-who-was-there later tonight and we'll get you set up." They even brought some machine that can measure the antioxidants in your body by shining a light into your hand. Again I say...what a load. They asked us to fill in a sheet before we got 'tested,' and on it they asked things like "Are you a smoker?" and "How many servings of fruit do you eat in a day?" I'm pretty sure that was all that had to do with what result you got. And everyone who was there bought into everything he was saying. I honestly thought that if he said "And this isn't me saying this; it's the doctors and researchers at the American Medical Association saying it" one more time tonight, I would've snapped. Seriously, he said all the things that I quoted over and over and over and over, so much that I wanted nothing more than for my phone to ring so I could walk out. Well, that and I wanted to voluntarily give up my hearing and my sight for about an hour of my life; you have to know it's bad when I'd voluntarily give up the one thing that's most precious to me, my hearing.

So, I have to face some friends tomorrow/spend some time with some pretty dang amazing friends, and then begin the job hunt on Monday. I wish I lived in Calgary right now. So much it's not even funny. Calgary is the one chance I need to re-start my enire life and live it how I want to. Don't worry, I'm not planning on doing anything even remotely stupid, but I'm super pumped about just having this opportunity at all. And my mom supports me and my decisions, too. Yay!

Anyways, now that it's like 3am, and I've gone through every possible emotion a human can feel in the past hour. [Thanks again Eenie and Stephie] And now I'm exhausted.

~Blackbird

I think I'm in love

...with LIFE!

Since moving home a whopping three whole days ago, my entire life has turned for the better. I've been presented with some amazing new friends and some uber-sweet opportunities, all in 72 hours' time. Frig life's great now. I just don't know how to say it any other way. I really, really, REALLY miss my old roomies, but I think this was the right thing to do; for me. The only thing keeping me from feeling 120% right now is the fact that all my friends don't live in the same city. Not even close to that. I want my new friends to meet my old friends. I want my old friends to meet the new me. I want so many things that aren't going to happen, not ever. Although I feel this way, I still have a great feeling about how things are going to turn out. Now that I'm done gloating about my life, I'm going to promise to update more and head off to bed.

~Blackbird

ps- Did y'all hear me? I miss you guys SO friggin much it hurts, and I promise to update more so you can be in touch with this city-girl.

Here's to the best time of my life...

Here's to three girls who changed my life entirely, but in only good ways.

Here's to all the people I worked with; I don't have picture memories of all of them, but they're all still really important in my mind. Sure, we've had our share of disagreements but every single one of them has taught me something significant about one or all of the parties involved (including myself). These people, who don't even know exactly where they're going in life, will stay with me forever.

Hey dudes, remember the times?

-How we all had our own routines that ended up freakishly similar after we'd lived together for only like two weeks
-The times that we went to bed 'early'...right Steph? 2 in the morning is early...right?
-PSYCHO KIT ATTACKS!!!
-The one day that we watched like 10 episodes of "24"...in. one. day. I don't even like that show!
-Last night, when we watched 9 episodes of Numbers.
-"Ahh! There's a cat under the sofa!!"
-The, what, three (?) 'House Meetings' that actually happened
-That thing in the water that made Steph's hair turn black and mine turn red...
-The steamrolling incident at 2am
-"If you make him claw me, I will claw you and then throw him at you!"
-The terms of endearement that float around here. Ex: Dumbdumb, You're a tool, jerk! and the list goes on...
-September 24th, the night Meghan fell out of bed and Alexis had an asthma attack and we had to take both of them into the hospital at 5.45 am. What a day that was.
-The second time I ate sushi (or whatever it was); right Cort and Jenni? I was dang scared of that it, because the first time I'd eaten sushi since my whole gr 7 social class got food poisoning from making it as a class project.
-Girl Bonding with Luke. Need I say more? So much fun.
-That one time that Aileen was helping Steph wash out her hair...I mean, tried to drown Steph in the bathtub...
-Two words. Ong Bak.
-Our Christmas Classics marathon that lasted a week.
-Random trips into Sundre for Kinder Surprises.
-The Kinder Surprise toys that litter the house. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, guys...I like building the toys and eating the chocolate, but the toys are just annoying to have around if they're mine.
-Yes.
-Jesus?
-More than two.
-Don't worry, no tiny cow is making a tiny home of your carton...
-Comfort.
-Sign me up!
-Ooh...Pick me, pick me!
-The hair-dye incident with Aileen. Oh wait; that was today!
-Scott, Philip, Heidi, Olga, Freida, Bruce and the new Hood Fan will always be my friends.
-Arrogant Worm listening marathons.

You guys, everyone at Evergreen, will stay in my memories forever. I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten something in here because my mind's just trying to cope with the suddeness of all this. I've struggled with making decisions lately, because I knew that they would bring me closer to leaving camp. It's never something I anticipated, but it's something that I now think will be good for me in the long run.

So, here's to the best time of my life...my time at Evergreen! Thank you guys. Thank you for making this time of my life the best and for making the most difficult times easier. Thank you for being there when the last thing I wanted was to be around people, and thank you for giving me my space when I needed it. Thank you for just being all-around amazing people!

~Blackbird

Oh hey!

Jules, I'm sorry I had to delete your comment because that post was plaguing my computer with random crap. I tried everything to not have to delete it, but that's what ended up happening in the end...

Here's to the best time of my life...

Here's to three girls who changed my life entirely, but in only good ways.

Here's to all the people I worked with; I don't have picture memories of all of them, but they're all still really important in my mind. Sure, we've had our share of disagreements but every single one of them has taught me something significant about one or all of the parties involved (including myself). These people, who don't even know exactly where they're going in life, will stay with me forever.

Hey dudes, remember the times?
-How we all had our own routines that ended up freakishly similar after we'd lived together for only like two weeks
-The times that we went to bed 'early'...right Steph? 2 in the morning is early...right?
-PSYCHO KIT ATTACKS!!!
-The one day that we watched like 10 episodes of "24"...in.one.day. I don't even like that show!
-Last night, when we watched 9 episodes of Numbers.
-"Ahh! There's a cat under the sofa!!"
-The, what, three (?) 'House Meetings' that actually happened
-That thing in the water that made Steph's hair turn black and mine turn red...
-The steamrolling incident at 2am
-"If you make him claw me, I will claw you and then throw him at you!"
-The terms of endearement that float around here. Ex: Dumbdumb, You're a tool, jerk! and the list goes on...
-September 24th, the night Meghan fell out of bed and Alexis had an asthma attack and we had to take both of them into the hospital at 5.45 am. What a day that was.
-The second time I ate sushi (or whatever it was); right Cort and Jenni? I was dang scared of it, because it was the first time I'd eaten sushi since my whole gr 7 social class got food poisoning from making it as a class project.
-Girl Bonding with Luke. Need I say more? So much fun.
-That one time that Aileen was helping Steph wash out her hair...I mean, tried to drown Steph in the bathtub...
-Two words. Ong Bak.
-Our Christmas Classics marathon that lasted a week.
-Random trips into Sundre for Kinder Surprises.
-The Kinder Surprise toys that litter the house. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, guys...I like building the toys and eating the chocolate, but the toys are just annoying to have around if they're mine.
-Yes.
-Jesus?
-More than two.
-Don't worry, no tiny cow is making a tiny home of your carton...
-Comfort.
-Sign me up!
-Ooh...Pick me, pick me!
-The hair-dye incident with Aileen. Oh wait; that was today!
-Scott, Philip, Heidi, Olga, Freida, Bruce and the new Hood Fan will always be my friends.
-Arrogant Worm listening marathons.

You guys, everyone at Evergreen, will stay in my memories forever. I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten something in here because my mind's just trying to cope with the suddeness of all this. I've struggled with making decisions lately, because I knew that they would bring me closer to leaving camp. It's never something I anticipated, but it's something that I now think will be good for me in the long run.

So, here's to the best time of my life...my time at Evergreen! Thank you guys. Thank you for making this time of my life the best and for making the most difficult times easier. Thank you for being there when the last thing I wanted was to be around people, and thank you for giving me my space when I needed it. Thank you for just being all-around amazing people!

~Blackbird

Tae-Bo shall foever remain one of the "best" times I had at camp...

Oh boy. Religious debate with a friend right now.

Let me update y'all on what's been going on with me and what I've been dealing with this past month-ish... (written for something else)

There's totally an L on your forehead and it doesn't stand for Loser...

LIAR!

Everyone lies; it's built into us. All my life I've been taught that non-Christians lie, so I have to believe that it's true right? There are a few good non-Christians out there, but they're few and far between; it's what I've been taught my whole life, so it has to be right...right? All non-Christians smoke, drink and swear, too...right? It's not like your parents told you that non-Christians were bad news and that you should stay away from them, so why do we stay away from where they are? In fear of doing something that your parents or your pastor told you was wrong? Out of your own fear of doing something wrong? Because someone might see you doing something you told them was wrong? Whichever of these or other excuses it is, it's not the right one. You need to do things for yourself, not others.

My whole life I was told what was right and what was wrong, and I followed the path that had been set out before me. I danced. I sang in a choir. I did what was expected of me in school. I attended Sunday School, and then when I was deemed 'acceptable,' I taught Sunday School. I sang on a Worship Team. I volunteered in the Nursery. I counseled at summer camps. I did everything I was expected to do and then some. So why did I always feel like I was running to keep up with everything else?

The facade that I was living was exhausting to keep up with. I can't really say that I 'crashed,' though, when I saw what I was doing. I just came to a gradual realization that I don't actually believe in God, I was just taught that He was the only right decision to make for my life. So I always made the 'right' choices instead of just stopping and thinking about what I was doing. Something felt wrong about the way I was living my life, but I could never put my finger on what exactly it was. I never saw that I was doing all that for someone else. I danced for my mom. I sang for the credits. I pulled out average grades in school to graduate on time. I was expected to attend Sunday School by everyone at church. I was also expected to teach it for that same reason. I sang on the Worship Team because they needed another female voice. I volunteered in the Nursery because they needed someone else to look after the [two] kids. I counseled because they were in desperate need of female counselors. I’ve never done anything for myself. I fell through the cracks of life. I got swept along with the crowd. I pulled it off with a reasonably good attitude and a smile…doing it all to what I thought was the best of my ability. Turns out I was sorely mistaken.

Oh well, though. Life goes on, right? It has been for me; and actually, it’s been going better than anticipated. My stomach issues have almost solved themselves, I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself thinking, and just basically evaluating my life as a whole. I’ve been thinking that it’s not going to be as hard as I’d thought, starting my life almost over again. It’s been difficult, trying to decide what I actually believe; but all in all, I’m pretty confident that it’s all going to solve itself in due time. This beast of an entry has been a few days coming and so I’m going to post it now and worry about any editing (irony…?) later. I’m tired and I want to just be done with this thing and move on with what’s left of my life…

So there it is. There I am. In all its glory and truth; my life in the past mon...well, my whole life, actually. So, now that you're all up-to-date in the life of Blackbird, I'll tell you what was going on tonight to make me so incredibly stressed.

I was talking to a friend of mine who's got some really messed views (or so I found out tonight) about God and all things related to Him. What he thinks really doesn't matter at this point; but the part that is vital in all this is that I don't really believe any of it anymore (anything about God/anything related to Him), and I'm really confused about other things related to it, too. My friends who were with me around the house at the time I was talking with him wanted to know why I was acting funny, so I told them that he was trying to debate religion with me and how I didn't know what to say. At all. I totally blanked. Everything I'd ever learned was *poof!* gone.

So, my friends took control of the conversation and basically used me as a puppet for the rest of the debate. My friends over here were all laughing at the fact that I was freaking out, but it wasn't a great feeling; in fact, I haven't been able to fully concentrate on anything since and I have a headache from the sheer amount of information being passed between everyone. It was a great debate, mind you, but it was so incredibly intense that I couldn't handle it after about half-way. And it just kept going, like the freaking Energizer Bunny. On and on it went for another hour; the questions from either side never ending. All in all, it was an okay conversation, but it’s one that I could have done without, no less. But it gave me an insight as to what I’m getting myself into. But, as I’ve been working on this post for the past few days, I’ll post this and reflect on my thoughts later…

It’s late again, and I have to move tomorrow…and I haven’t even started packing yet…

~Blackbird

I'm up whatsit creek without a paddle...or even a canoe.

"Sometimes I cannot forgive, and these days, mercy cuts so deep. If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep. While I lay, I dream we're better; scales were gone and faces lighter. When we wake, we hate our brother. We still move to hurt each other. Sometimes I can close my eyes, and all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing. What makes me so badly bent? We all have a chance to murder. We all feel the need for wonder. We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder. Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven. All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give. Babies underneath their beds, hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals, all the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance. All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense...Oh my God" (Song: Oh my God by Jars of Clay)

So I just spent two and a half much-needed days in Calgary with a good friend of mine. We had a blast together! Much fun was had by all, and many good memories were made. I love spending time with her; she's an amazing person. Anyone who's reading this probably knows who I'm talking about. We spent most of our time recording a song (the one I quoted at the beginning of this post) that she wanted to finish working on. And if I may say, it turned out amazing!

Anyways, I'm just sitting here in my kitchen, trying to get up the nerve to finish reading something. And speaking of being random...It's weird, reading. And everyone's different reading habits, I suppose. I know people who've read only 50 pages in the past year, while I've easily read 50 pages in an hour. It doesn't make me think less of anyone who doesn't read like I do, it just usually makes me think about things. Thinking also usually gets me into trouble; so I'm going to stop here.

I guess I'll go ahead and be stereotypical with my first post of the new year, too. I hope the new year treats all of you well, and that you all find happiness and keep your good health (or regain it if you've been sick). I wish all of you only the best things in life, and I hope to keep in touch with all of you in 2007!

~Blackbird