(Written July 9)
I'd like to write a little (potentially a lot) about the newest and best change to Staff Training (aka Leadership Week) 2011. It's called Challenge by Choice, and it allows each person participating in an activity to choose their own level of involvement, keeping themselves physically, mentally and spiritually safe throughout the course of the activity. Before I go into any theories about the week, I'd like to share some of my stories/experiences.
1-Now I'm not the biggest fan of heights, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. To give you a little more perspective, when I was in choir in high school I was always standing on the floor at the front of the choir, because I was too uncomfortable to stand on the risers. So, after saying that, my post about the zip line should give you some perspective on that one. I'll leave that one for a minute.
2-For the past few years... actually, more since the fifth grade, to be exact (with a few exceptions), I haven't really cried a whole lot, and especially not in public. I would run away from anything and anyone, just so no one could see or hear me cry; the result of which was a fairly hardened heart. It wasn't the healthiest of coping techniques, but it's how I dealt with life. Over the past week, I think I've cried more (in public, for the record) than in the past two years. I'll leave that one for a minute, too.
3-(And this is the hardest one to admit) I've been struggling with the thought that coming out to camp was a mistake. I knew they needed help, and being all graduated and qualified and stuff, I wanted to help my friends in their time of need. Now, before I say anything else, there's a big difference between wanting to go and being called to go. Camp is intense enough that if you don't feel the initial call, I would question your motivation for being there. That being said, however, I've been talking to people since I moved out here, and very few of them were called specifically to Egreen... a fact which is making me question my theory. But, to be honest, I quite expected life to be all sunshine and rainbows all Spring/Summer, and living through the day to day struggles kind of shattered the dream and made me question some stuff (like the decision to have moved out there in the first place).
Now for the reason for this post: my opinion on Challenge by Choice. When I first heard about it, I honestly thought it was kind of dumb (sorry Bear). Looking back on the spring and Staff Training week now that I've lived through it, I have an intensely deep love and gratitude for its implementation.
I believe that I would still be the same emotional wreck that I was when I got out here May 30 if it weren't for CbC. When it was first explained to us near the beginning of Staff Training, my initial reaction to it was 'Oh, good. An easy way out for the people who just don't want to do an activity.' Immature thoughts like that definitely do not bring a staff together, and for that I'm sorry; I now realize my error. I wish that I could re-train my automatic reactions, but I think that learning from them (whether positive or negative) is a better use of knowledge and development of wisdom.
My best explanation of what CbC has done for me is to just say that when something (say, a particularly disliked staff training activity which has been done for years, for example) is mandatory, you may get 100% participation, but you certainly will not earn the trust or respect of the people being forced into remarkably awkward and sometimes painful situations. They say that you will lure more bees with honey than with sh*t. I have to say, it's true. By expressing your concern for others' feelings, it will in turn allow them to open up and trust you.
I heard Bear say (more than once before each activity, for the record), 'I don't mind if you're afraid of something we're doing; it's how you respond to that fear that matters the most.' Something else she said that I'll remember forever is, 'You have to challenge people to push their own limits, and you have to support someone when they're afraid. For example, if you're at the zip line and it kills you to think about going up to the platform... and it takes absolutely everything you've got to just put a harness on, that's great! Congratulations! I'm here for you.' For a little back story, the fall/winter I lived out here, I was trained to belay on the climbing wall (which you have to wear a harness to do... so I know full well how to put one on, properly check it, etc.). When it came down to actually putting on the harness and climbing up the ladder to the 25ft platform, I couldn't remember how or bring myself to actually put the stupid thing on. It was embarrassing, to say the least... but I got through it eventually, and obviously lived to tell the tale. If I had the chance, I may go back and do some things differently through the course of the zip line evening, but all in all I'm ridiculously proud of the fact that I did it at all.
(Written July 22)
So, looking back on the first three weeks of summer, I have been stretched, tested, questioned, stressed, pushed, yelled at, hugged, cried to, confided in, and thrown so far out of my comfort zone so many times I can't even keep track anymore. I've learned to live and work with many, many different people, and have also come to love a large percentage of them, too. To be able to look back on the summer so far with such a different perspective about absolutely everything is refreshing, to say the least. I believe God has given the staff of Egreen this summer the chance to sink or swim... as a team. I also believe that, even though it was never said out loud (that I'm aware of) the summer itself is a Challenge by Choice. In the staff body, each person has to willingly make the decision to hold hands with the people who surround them on a daily basis and jump in with both feet. And it's only when that All For One And One For All mentality is achieved that we can stop focusing on ourselves, but instead focus on everything surrounding us, and in turn have the chance to impact the lives of so many children.
Over the past couple months, I've been constantly challenged by one of the wisest people I know (in a way that positively influences others to think about their actions/reactions, not in the 'I want to punch you every time I see you' kind of way), and as a result, I think I've become a slightly more well-rounded person and am now seeing small glimpses in myself of what kind of leader I am destined to be. And if others are smart enough to put this person's wisdom, knowledge and experience to good use and heed advice when it's given, I think camp as a whole would become a more positive experience for everyone. I know you know who you are, so thank you for being you. It's inspiring to see God have such a strong hold on someone's entire life, and to see them live life so fully for Him.
(Written July 30)
What I'm trying to say, though, is the summer isn't over yet, folks; time to get up and go! I challenge everyone who reads this to look at life as a challenge, and not merely as a series of choices laid out in front of them. Sometimes the correct answer IS the mystery option that was never presented, laughing at yourself and moving on, or running away.
God also gave us a challenge, too: don't compare yourself on others' work (Galatians 6:4 says, "But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbour." Although I seem to like the Message's version better, "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself to others."). Just because What'sHisName over there can waltz up to a situation and conquer it without fear doesn't mean that you can face the same situation the same way... Every single person on the planet is different, so go by no one's limits but your own, and allow God to challenge you every day (whether that's hugging someone who needs it, listening to people more than talking with them, or jumping off the zipline). Whatever your deal is, it's between no one but you and God.
(Written August 15)
Ultimately, I'd like to have seen some things go differently, run smoother, or have better outcomes this summer, even though the summer isn't over yet. I'd also like to be able to fully put into words what kind of effect this summer has had on my life, but every time I try it comes out sounding silly and immature... I wish I could change that.
Wow, this post has gone from simple entry to some kind of impromptu saga... whoops. Well, I guess I can leave this ridiculously long post with a simple thought:
Challenge by Choice (and Bear for its implementation), thank you. You've done the world a favour.
