Life post-camp is slooooooow. Slower than slow, actually. I've spent the past three weeks (has it only been that long?! Sheesh.) re-learning how to live in the city, and within sight of my neighbors... all 60 of them.
Day by day, and now week by week, I've been settling back into my appartment, small group, circle of friends, and old life. I refer to my life pre-camp as old simply because I left Leth behind, and changed, grew, and struggled in different ways than my friends here did. So I left in May looking forward to the future, and have returned home a new woman to a new Leth. I've struggled a little, but in hindsight, I think it's all just part of the giant re-adjustment phase.
Throughout my time at camp, I've learned to be a lot less sarcastic and a lot more loving with my words. I've also learned to listen more and provide structured, challenging and helpful responses to situations in which I didn't know how to respond in such a manner that would bring any kind of positive outcome in the past. It has started me on a journey of growth and love that I hope I will never tire of being on.
I was fed up of being flung into situations that left me feeling helpless or useless, which in turn sometimes left others feeling helpless or even hopeless. Unfortunately, and much to my dismay, I have learned the quip 'fake it 'til you make it' doesn't always work (which was a mantra that got me through culinary school). After going through a bunch of fairly intense situations at camp, I've done my best to re-train my initial thoughts/reactions in a situation where I'm feeling helpless or that my hands are tied. When in doubt, I find the most useful piece of advise is to lead like Jesus. Allow Him to own your thoughts, words and actions. Stand firm in your faith and, through His love, you will be transformed. A piece of Scripture I'm working on memorizing (in hopes of having it handy in sticky situations when I need to check myself before responding, or when I just need something to hold on to) is James 4:1-10 from the Message translation. I find that I like how blunt it is.
1 Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.
2 You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? 3 And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.
[And here's where it gets personal] 4 You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and His way. 5 And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that 'He's a fiercely jealous lover.' 6 And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that 'God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.'
7 So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud no to the devil and watch him scamper. 8 Say a quiet yes to God and He'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. 9 Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and the games are over. Get serious, really serious. 10 Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.
I think I'll leave you with that for now, dear reader, mostly because it's 3:15am and I have a lot to accomplish tomorrow (actually, later today). Go in peace, thanks be to God.
God is good. All the time. God is good.
