Newsflash: I just re-discovered Caleb Delamont via some random connection on Facebook. I'll think about him (well, a song of his will pop into my brain) every once in a while, and it's usually the most perfect time I need it (God, maybe?). His music was a gift to my ears/soul the first time I discovered it; he actually helped save my life at one point, though he probably has no idea (how could he? I've never actually met the man).
I'm doing Spiritual Growth Month at church, and in light of certain events, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. One of the stipulations is that I need to spend at least a half hour a day with God. Five minutes of that half hour must be reading, another five must be praying, and yet another five must be journaling, the other fifteen being filled with whatever (dancing in my living room to worship music, maybe?). Seeing as I already pray daily and journal almost daily, I figured that this assignment (with the slight alteration of mandatory Bible reading) would be easy. Haha, oh man was I wrong. So far, I've spend most of the past 6 hours in constant prayer. Not easy. Not fun. Not fair. I'm in a colossal gut-wrenching, guilt-tripping, anger-inducing, school-compromising, life-altering, decision-making position right now, and only God knows how everything will pan out. I'm praying I make it out with what little sanity I have left, intact.
Well, I think I'll go and spend my time with God, and hope and pray that He smacks me upside the head with an answer to my predicament. As it stands, I think I'll stick with the tail-between-my-legs route until further notice.
Peace (and other nice things), all!
-L
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Kivinen Tie [trans: Rocky Road]
1.
Kutsut sitä nyt kun aika on mennyt
Huudat sen perään mitä ei ollutkaan
Kaikki on jo poissa; aika ja minä
Kivinen tiesi vain jäljelle jäi
Ai ai, se palaa
Aina mieleeni uudestaan
Ai ai, ja salaa
Päästän irti ja hengähdän
Laja di deijaa
Laja di deijaa
2.
Elämä jonka valitsit on vaikea kantaa
Suunta jota pidät on raskas pitää
Huutosi kaikuvat vain takaisin itseesi
Kivinen tie vain jäljelle jää
Ai ai, se palaa
Aina mieleeni uudestaan
Ai ai, ja salaa
Päästän irti ja hengähdän
Laja di deijaa
Laja di deijaa
3.
Huomaatko nyt että aika on täysi
Päästä jo irti, sitä ei ollutkaan
Kaikki on poissa; aika ja minä
Kivinen tieni vain jäljelle jää
Ai ai, se palaa
Aina mieleeni uudestaan
Ai ai, ja salaa
Päästän irti ja hengähdän
Laja di deijaa
Laja di deijaa
Laja di deijaa
My favourite line?
Päästän irti ja hengähdän
Translated to English?
Let go and catch your breath
Also, the keychange (at 2:36) breaks my heart. I must go ponder life now. Peace, all.
-L
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
better late than never?
Wait, what? You say it's 2011 already? I don't believe you.
Okay, okay. I was only slightly kidding there. I also just realized that I haven't posted a Happy New Year/This Is How I Spent New Years Eve/These Are My Resolutions entry yet. If you want one of those, go somewhere else. ('Cause I don't tend to make resolutions.) On second thought, please don't go; I kind of like you guys! And I think I'll follow my previous tradition of posting a review of the past year. But instead of a month-to-month review, I use a job-to-job style. Don't like it? Tough.
New Years Eve 2010 - After searching through my previous posts, I just found out that I didn't actually post a new years entry last year, and as such have absolutely no recolection of what I did last New Years Eve. Probably the same thing as this year. (I'll keep you in suspense until the end of this review to find out what that was...)
January to May - CP ruled my life. I had tentatively decided to go back to Evrgrn for a while (which I now realize that I don't think I told anyone about those plans), but in the end, decided to return to RD for the summer and party it up RD-style. (Let me inform all of you now that if I once believed that RD had a style, I am now painfully aware that it does not.) So, back to RD I went. After a semi-tough time trying to find a job, I landed the most perfect job in the world.
June to August - TnT is a grungy pub at the south end of town (almost out of town, to be exact), and after getting over the fact that it is a grungy pub, I fell in love with the place. The work ethic which had been beaten in to me over the past two years at CP apparently paid off (as well as Doo's theory about CP cooks, but more on that later), and they fell in love with me in return. (Insert happy, feel-good feelings here. And a happy dance, for good measure.) After my first week there, I had a recipe and a half on the feature menu, a bunch of new friends, and a newfound respect/love of cooking. In all the jobs I've had in my life (which probably isn't much to some people, but whatever), I've never actually been told "Hey, thanks for coming in today; we're really glad to see you!", "You're really great. Thanks for working so hard!", "Hiring you was probably the best desicion we've made in a while.", "We pretty much hit the jackpot when we hired you.", "We all really appreciate how much you do around here!", "Please stay on after the summer ends; J's leaving, and a supervisor position will open up. You should apply! You'd totally do a good job!" by people who actually mean it. I'm not even kidding when I say that I was pulled off line (the line being the place with all the ovens, deep fryers, grills etc... basically where all the food is cooked) by one of my supervisors after a lunch rush one day (bearing in mind that I've only ever been pulled off line to be yelled at and told I suck), just so he could ask me if I was doing alright, to tell me that I was doing a good job, to thank me for doing such a good job/working so hard, and to tell me that I was appreciated! Wait, what? This stuff actually happens in real life? Apparently! And this is even after I had been berating myself for not doing enough (thanks again, CP). Just wow.
August to December - Moving in with T (yay!), and going back to school (yay!)/CP (not so yay) it was for this apprentice. August brings about a time of year for culinary apprentices in Leth that is truly hated: back to school two (sometimes three!) weeks before everyone else in the freakin' city. Lovely, eh? Anyways, I went back to school, fell in love with school all over again, and am still loving school. I went back to CP, fell in love with CP all over again, and then quickly fell out of love when I realized I no longer wore my rose-coloured glasses. Then Doo quit. Then A quit. And then the only members of the Original Crew left were B and myself. Soon after, I was handed keys (well, after more than one occasion of being locked out of the restaurant until 9am, I may have demanded them), a new title (however unofficial it may be), and an ass-load more responsibility I never even wanted in the first place (that's what everyone wants...right?). I barely made it through the dreaded xmas season (and at one point was carrying a very angry, two-page resignation letter around in my purse, waiting for something to go wrong, just so I could hand it in and leave), and skidded though New Years Eve with only a few new mental issues and two physical scars added to my collection since the New Years Eve 365 days previous.
New Years Eve 2011 - ...surprise, I worked! And after this past NYE, I can honestly say that I've baked 8 dozen dinner rolls, in the middle of dinner rush (which is a stupid idea even on a regular weekday), while dodging four other cooks flinging blazing hot saute pans around, who also probably cursed my very existance for taking up all of their oven space on the third or fourth busiest day of the year (depends on the year). It's a wonder I even made it through the shift alive, to be honest.
What I learned in 2010: (a short version, obviously)
-I learned that life is too short. Too damned short, in some cases (Michaud Favre being one).
-I learned that I depend on Facebook more now since Michaud died, just to keep up with friends' whereabouts.
-I've learned that I never want to run a kitchen. Ever.
-I learned that watching/hearing the flesh melt off your arm isn't a fun experience/feeling. I wouldn't recommend trying it.
-On the same topic, I learned what a tendon looks like, up close and personal. Sure, it took a trip to my friendly neighbourhood emergency room and 5 stitches to fix, but I actually got to see a tendon in my own arm. So cool! Also, not an experience I'd suggest trying, but wicked nonetheless.
-I learned that removing yourself/running from a situation is sometimes the best solution.
-And in hindsight, it actually was the best solution to the situation at hand.
-I have learned that a quiet Christmas at home with my mom is better than not being able to go home for Christmas. Plus, it makes my mom happier.
-I learned that having friends makes life quite a bit easier.
-I learned I really, really love my newfound Leth friends. A shout-out to: BH! AN! MK! RK! DK! AH! EP! SB! CN!
-On a related note, I learned that it's going to be ridiculously difficult to leave The Gate when I leave Leth. So ridiculous, in fact, that I don't even like to think about it.
-I've learned what a happy, healthy marriage looks like, and I hope to have something so great in my life one day.
-I learned that I quite enjoy laughing so hard I cry, because it means I'm happy and feel safe. I learned I like being happy and feeling safe.
-I am still in the process of learning what kind of leader I am and aspire to be, and can say that this is the hardest lesson I've learned so far. I know what kind of leader I don't want to be, but how do I avoid becoming one?
-I learned to love CP again. It's still a work in progress, and still has the hatred/unpleasant feeling of an arranged marriage (have I told you about my I Learned To Love My Job Like A Woman Learns To Love An Arranged Marriage Theory?), but I'm diligently and honestly working on it. Some days more than others, though.
...aaaand now I'm off to bed. Too little sleep and uberstress are in store for the rest of this week/month/year. Yay life!
Until next time, keep fit and have fun!
-L
Okay, okay. I was only slightly kidding there. I also just realized that I haven't posted a Happy New Year/This Is How I Spent New Years Eve/These Are My Resolutions entry yet. If you want one of those, go somewhere else. ('Cause I don't tend to make resolutions.) On second thought, please don't go; I kind of like you guys! And I think I'll follow my previous tradition of posting a review of the past year. But instead of a month-to-month review, I use a job-to-job style. Don't like it? Tough.
New Years Eve 2010 - After searching through my previous posts, I just found out that I didn't actually post a new years entry last year, and as such have absolutely no recolection of what I did last New Years Eve. Probably the same thing as this year. (I'll keep you in suspense until the end of this review to find out what that was...)
January to May - CP ruled my life. I had tentatively decided to go back to Evrgrn for a while (which I now realize that I don't think I told anyone about those plans), but in the end, decided to return to RD for the summer and party it up RD-style. (Let me inform all of you now that if I once believed that RD had a style, I am now painfully aware that it does not.) So, back to RD I went. After a semi-tough time trying to find a job, I landed the most perfect job in the world.
June to August - TnT is a grungy pub at the south end of town (almost out of town, to be exact), and after getting over the fact that it is a grungy pub, I fell in love with the place. The work ethic which had been beaten in to me over the past two years at CP apparently paid off (as well as Doo's theory about CP cooks, but more on that later), and they fell in love with me in return. (Insert happy, feel-good feelings here. And a happy dance, for good measure.) After my first week there, I had a recipe and a half on the feature menu, a bunch of new friends, and a newfound respect/love of cooking. In all the jobs I've had in my life (which probably isn't much to some people, but whatever), I've never actually been told "Hey, thanks for coming in today; we're really glad to see you!", "You're really great. Thanks for working so hard!", "Hiring you was probably the best desicion we've made in a while.", "We pretty much hit the jackpot when we hired you.", "We all really appreciate how much you do around here!", "Please stay on after the summer ends; J's leaving, and a supervisor position will open up. You should apply! You'd totally do a good job!" by people who actually mean it. I'm not even kidding when I say that I was pulled off line (the line being the place with all the ovens, deep fryers, grills etc... basically where all the food is cooked) by one of my supervisors after a lunch rush one day (bearing in mind that I've only ever been pulled off line to be yelled at and told I suck), just so he could ask me if I was doing alright, to tell me that I was doing a good job, to thank me for doing such a good job/working so hard, and to tell me that I was appreciated! Wait, what? This stuff actually happens in real life? Apparently! And this is even after I had been berating myself for not doing enough (thanks again, CP). Just wow.
August to December - Moving in with T (yay!), and going back to school (yay!)/CP (not so yay) it was for this apprentice. August brings about a time of year for culinary apprentices in Leth that is truly hated: back to school two (sometimes three!) weeks before everyone else in the freakin' city. Lovely, eh? Anyways, I went back to school, fell in love with school all over again, and am still loving school. I went back to CP, fell in love with CP all over again, and then quickly fell out of love when I realized I no longer wore my rose-coloured glasses. Then Doo quit. Then A quit. And then the only members of the Original Crew left were B and myself. Soon after, I was handed keys (well, after more than one occasion of being locked out of the restaurant until 9am, I may have demanded them), a new title (however unofficial it may be), and an ass-load more responsibility I never even wanted in the first place (that's what everyone wants...right?). I barely made it through the dreaded xmas season (and at one point was carrying a very angry, two-page resignation letter around in my purse, waiting for something to go wrong, just so I could hand it in and leave), and skidded though New Years Eve with only a few new mental issues and two physical scars added to my collection since the New Years Eve 365 days previous.
New Years Eve 2011 - ...surprise, I worked! And after this past NYE, I can honestly say that I've baked 8 dozen dinner rolls, in the middle of dinner rush (which is a stupid idea even on a regular weekday), while dodging four other cooks flinging blazing hot saute pans around, who also probably cursed my very existance for taking up all of their oven space on the third or fourth busiest day of the year (depends on the year). It's a wonder I even made it through the shift alive, to be honest.
What I learned in 2010: (a short version, obviously)
-I learned that life is too short. Too damned short, in some cases (Michaud Favre being one).
-I learned that I depend on Facebook more now since Michaud died, just to keep up with friends' whereabouts.
-I've learned that I never want to run a kitchen. Ever.
-I learned that watching/hearing the flesh melt off your arm isn't a fun experience/feeling. I wouldn't recommend trying it.
-On the same topic, I learned what a tendon looks like, up close and personal. Sure, it took a trip to my friendly neighbourhood emergency room and 5 stitches to fix, but I actually got to see a tendon in my own arm. So cool! Also, not an experience I'd suggest trying, but wicked nonetheless.
-I learned that removing yourself/running from a situation is sometimes the best solution.
-And in hindsight, it actually was the best solution to the situation at hand.
-I have learned that a quiet Christmas at home with my mom is better than not being able to go home for Christmas. Plus, it makes my mom happier.
-I learned that having friends makes life quite a bit easier.
-I learned I really, really love my newfound Leth friends. A shout-out to: BH! AN! MK! RK! DK! AH! EP! SB! CN!
-On a related note, I learned that it's going to be ridiculously difficult to leave The Gate when I leave Leth. So ridiculous, in fact, that I don't even like to think about it.
-I've learned what a happy, healthy marriage looks like, and I hope to have something so great in my life one day.
-I learned that I quite enjoy laughing so hard I cry, because it means I'm happy and feel safe. I learned I like being happy and feeling safe.
-I am still in the process of learning what kind of leader I am and aspire to be, and can say that this is the hardest lesson I've learned so far. I know what kind of leader I don't want to be, but how do I avoid becoming one?
-I learned to love CP again. It's still a work in progress, and still has the hatred/unpleasant feeling of an arranged marriage (have I told you about my I Learned To Love My Job Like A Woman Learns To Love An Arranged Marriage Theory?), but I'm diligently and honestly working on it. Some days more than others, though.
...aaaand now I'm off to bed. Too little sleep and uberstress are in store for the rest of this week/month/year. Yay life!
Until next time, keep fit and have fun!
-L
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
xmas redux
Since Christmas last year, I've been dreading the happy holiday this year. I've changed in so many ways, and yet remained the same in others. I've worked my butt off, I've slept very little, I've cried lots (sometimes from laughing), I've lost, I've discovered, I've rediscovered, I've loved, I've hated, I've loved again, I've been hurt, I've been injured. It's been a year to remember, to say the least.
To my surprise, this year, once I returned to RD, I felt instantly at home. I've missed this dirty city; well, I've missed TnT more than anything. When I saw TnT, I nearly cried, I was so happy to just be near it again. I miss those boys so, so much.
When I got home, after the expected hugs 'n' such from the mother, we settled right into our tradition of each being on a computer, right next to each other, and not talking. It was perfect. Then something reminded me! (probably Facebook) I wanted to share something with my mom! PHAO. As expected, she loved it, and all was well with the world.
Heading to the Chapel for the Xmas Eve service, I began to get nervous about all the people I'd see, and haven't seen in months (years?). But all passed in a pleasant blur, and mom and I returned home, only to sit at our respective computers for the next few hours. Some may think us sad for our tradition of sitting so close and yet not actually communicating, but we enjoy it, so I say Pah! to anyone who may think that.
Christmas passes in the most awesome way possible (2 naps!), and somewhere along the way, I actually convinced my mom to wrap the turkey in bacon. Her reaction the first time I suggested it: Why? My response: Why not? And somehow she AGREED. Best. Turkey. Ever. I didn't take any with me when I left, so she's probably still eating it.
So. How did I get home, some of you may wonder? Well, I happened to accept the offer of a ride from JR. Yup, you read that correctly. I spent 4.5 hours in a car with my ex. Twice actually, because we came home together, too. And except for the initial awkwardness (which, I hope was only me thinking it was awkward, not actually because it was awkward), it was quite nice, and it reminded me of all the reasons why we're still friends. The elephant in the back seat did make an appearance in conversation on the way home, and I was able to clearly (competently? less incoherently?) voice my thought processes on the night I broke up with him. Thankfully, he took it all in stride (actually, I think he may have been the one who initially brought it up), and commended me (in a weird way) for listening to God instead of just taking the route I wanted.
My exact explanation, verbatim? "God said no."
Honestly though, we were only together for exactly 2 weeks. And who would have thought that I would be the one to end my first relationship? I certainly didn't, that's for damn sure. God just seemed to blindside me with a resounding NO when I brought my relationship before Him, and the more I fought Him on it, the louder His answer became. There were also a few very small signs (5 stitches is small, right?) that told me I was being stupid in running. 'Freak accident' or not, I believe that was God kicking me in the face (well, wrist), and forcing me to listen. Thankfully I didn't have to drive off the rooad and down a hill for that to happen (actually happened to JR last year). So I did. It may have taken me a few more days, but I did eventually listen. And except for the actual I-broke-up-with-my-first-boyfriend part, it hasn't been too terrible. We're on the same worship team at church/are both part of the Lunch Group, which forced a familiarity quite soon after I ended things, which was most likely for the best.
I’m learning that I tend to run from situations/silently put up with crap that I don’t want to deal with/stand up to, and I will run from/put up with it for a long time. Two and a half years (so far) is my record, and as it stands, it’ll end at the three year mark. But! Less about work, more sleep. I’ll leave with a couple final thoughts.
Keep fit and have fun,
-L
To my surprise, this year, once I returned to RD, I felt instantly at home. I've missed this dirty city; well, I've missed TnT more than anything. When I saw TnT, I nearly cried, I was so happy to just be near it again. I miss those boys so, so much.
When I got home, after the expected hugs 'n' such from the mother, we settled right into our tradition of each being on a computer, right next to each other, and not talking. It was perfect. Then something reminded me! (probably Facebook) I wanted to share something with my mom! PHAO. As expected, she loved it, and all was well with the world.
Heading to the Chapel for the Xmas Eve service, I began to get nervous about all the people I'd see, and haven't seen in months (years?). But all passed in a pleasant blur, and mom and I returned home, only to sit at our respective computers for the next few hours. Some may think us sad for our tradition of sitting so close and yet not actually communicating, but we enjoy it, so I say Pah! to anyone who may think that.
Christmas passes in the most awesome way possible (2 naps!), and somewhere along the way, I actually convinced my mom to wrap the turkey in bacon. Her reaction the first time I suggested it: Why? My response: Why not? And somehow she AGREED. Best. Turkey. Ever. I didn't take any with me when I left, so she's probably still eating it.
So. How did I get home, some of you may wonder? Well, I happened to accept the offer of a ride from JR. Yup, you read that correctly. I spent 4.5 hours in a car with my ex. Twice actually, because we came home together, too. And except for the initial awkwardness (which, I hope was only me thinking it was awkward, not actually because it was awkward), it was quite nice, and it reminded me of all the reasons why we're still friends. The elephant in the back seat did make an appearance in conversation on the way home, and I was able to clearly (competently? less incoherently?) voice my thought processes on the night I broke up with him. Thankfully, he took it all in stride (actually, I think he may have been the one who initially brought it up), and commended me (in a weird way) for listening to God instead of just taking the route I wanted.
My exact explanation, verbatim? "God said no."
Honestly though, we were only together for exactly 2 weeks. And who would have thought that I would be the one to end my first relationship? I certainly didn't, that's for damn sure. God just seemed to blindside me with a resounding NO when I brought my relationship before Him, and the more I fought Him on it, the louder His answer became. There were also a few very small signs (5 stitches is small, right?) that told me I was being stupid in running. 'Freak accident' or not, I believe that was God kicking me in the face (well, wrist), and forcing me to listen. Thankfully I didn't have to drive off the rooad and down a hill for that to happen (actually happened to JR last year). So I did. It may have taken me a few more days, but I did eventually listen. And except for the actual I-broke-up-with-my-first-boyfriend part, it hasn't been too terrible. We're on the same worship team at church/are both part of the Lunch Group, which forced a familiarity quite soon after I ended things, which was most likely for the best.
I’m learning that I tend to run from situations/silently put up with crap that I don’t want to deal with/stand up to, and I will run from/put up with it for a long time. Two and a half years (so far) is my record, and as it stands, it’ll end at the three year mark. But! Less about work, more sleep. I’ll leave with a couple final thoughts.
Keep fit and have fun,
-L
Saturday, 25 December 2010
Friday, 24 December 2010
Blast from the past, much?
I've been feeling rather nostalgic, and have probably read over the majority of my old posts/organized them finally. While being all nostalgic and stuff, I came across these beauties that were just too good not to share:
Steve Don't Eat It
On The Moon
Ohmigosh. SO FUNNY.
Steve Don't Eat It
On The Moon
Ohmigosh. SO FUNNY.
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