After the past 5 years of being gregarious and loud, my body's decided that it's tired of such shenanigans. The result is that I'm reverting back into the painfully shy and introverted homebody that I was whilst growing up. It had been so long since I've been this way that I honestly thought that it had gone for good, and that I just had to accept having been an introverted teenager, and then an outgoing adult. There were a few times over the years that I wanted my introverted-ness back, but those times were few and far between... mostly when I was doing new and scary things, but the feeling passed so quickly that I hardly even remembered it.
I wonder if my outgoing self will ever come back. At this point, I'm not sure if I want it; I like having my select few people and sticking to them. If I'm ever placed (thrown?) into a situation that I'm forced back into being an extrovert again, I'm sure it'll take much less time for me to adjust, and it'll be a much smoother transition. Until then, my extrovert side will hide, dormant, in my brain. Until then, I'll cherish the memories of being silly with no shame; I'll embrace the quiet time I have, with only my books and myself for company.
There's precious magic in feeling so free and unjudged by the world that you can just be spunky and exuberant and bright all the time. There's also a rare magic in being a people watcher, a book reader, and a quiet individual. I wish I was in an environment that I felt safe enough to be convivial again... more than almost anything else in the world. But, then again, I wish a lot of things these days.
"Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon. Forgiveness starts here." Invictus (movie)
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