God's given me quite a bit to think about today/tonight. I've been attending this new church in this old city, and rediscovering who I am when everything I care about is stripped away. I feel abandoned by friends who seem too busy to reach out, I'm not even close to making ends meet, and I'm back under my mom's roof. In every single aspect of my life, even my relationship with God, I feel like an utter failure.

It's really hard for me to admit that. I keep blaming outside forces and other people on my feelings of failure, and I've been rejecting any kind of responsibility for my life, my actions.

In my first time at the Young Adults Group (The Unmarrieds Edition), we watched a movie called Beware of Christians. The premise of the movie is these 4 college guys from different places go to Europe to escape the American bubble and explore God, wrestle through some big topics of Christians in their demographic, and to find out what it really means to follow Jesus' example on how to do life.

As we sat there watching the movie, I had to very prominent trains of thought running through my head: 1- I was torn between hoping they wouldn't go to Scotland (because I'm really struggling with how I'm going to get there and how it seems every time I get close to actually going, I seem to be knocked back to square one and having to start completely over) and wanting them to go to Scotland (just so I could see it again), and 2- how these guys were exploring topics that my family at The Gate brought to my attention and missing them brought a physical pain right along with the emotional and spiritual battles I've been fighting since I left Leth in April.

I've just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and I highly recommend it for anyone who's serious about their faith, or even if you're not... just read it. It'll blow your mind and change your perspective on a lot of things that people consider 'normal' parts of Christianity.

I realize that this post jumps around a bit, and that I'm probably the only person who's able to see the connections in the jumps, but I'm okay with that; I'll probably explain the gaps later. But for now, it remains:

God is good. All the time. God is good.